But, Who Am I Really?
by The Peanut Butter General
Summary: Dreams of his unknown past are haunting young Adam as he begins to make a life for himself on Buddy's farm.


The rain was pounding against the otherwise quiet house as he rested against his pillow. His eyes fluttered and his chest pounded as the dream overtook him once again. He was restrained, strapped to a cold table or bed. Everything around him was dark. The intense red beam pierced his cornea and caused him to shake violently. He stared straight ahead. "Traitor, turncoat, betrayed, enemy", the words flashed quickly across the screen as those three dimensional eyes stared back. Enemy, my enemy, he thought, must kill my enemy.  
  
A loud thunderclap awoke him from his dream. He bounded from the pillow and darted straight up, sweat covering his body. He moaned and ran his fingers through his clean blonde hair. Another nightmare, he told himself. He lay back down and closed his eyes again, willing himself to dream of happy places, women and friends.  
  
"Morning Adam." Mary said, entering the room. "Rise and shine. Breakfast will be ready in fifteen minutes." Adam lifted his head from the pillow. He quickly showered and dressed before he joined the other farmhands in the main house for breakfast.  
  
"Morning Mary." Adam said, entering the kitchen.  
  
"Morning Adam." She replied, pouring him a cup of coffee. "Sleep well."  
  
"Yes." Adam weakly smiled.  
  
"Are you sure? No more nightmares." Mary said, rubbing her hand over his clean-shaven cheek.  
  
"No nightmares, Mary." Adam replied, removing her hand. "I appreciate everything you're doing for me. My memory will come back."  
  
"Adam, you've always been like a son to me." Mary said. "I'm more than happy to take care of you while you recover."  
  
"No." Adam said. "I'm fine. Strong as an Ox and fit for work."  
  
"There's a lot more to life than work." Mary said.  
  
"Like what?" Adam laughed. "Don't worry Mary. Doc says it'll come back eventually and I should just try to get on with a normal life until my memory returns."  
  
"Then get back to normal." Buddy said, entering the kitchen. "The boys are already eating, there's farming to do and we've got to get the truck loaded to leave for Seattle tonight."  
  
"I really wish you'd let me go into Seattle. I know that you don't want me driving alone, but I can go with one of the other guys." Adam pleaded.  
  
"Once you're fully recovered." Buddy said. "I want you to take care of yourself. Besides, it is JD's turn and he'll be upset if he and little Jim can't go into town and sniff around for new women."  
  
"Ha!" Mary scoffed. "Dropping off produce and picking up women. Is that why you're so eager to return to Seattle, Adam?"  
  
"Women?" Adam questioned, "No, there are plenty of women around here. Good ones too. I just thought seeing Seattle may help jog my memory."  
  
"Well. Next rotation, you'll be back on." Buddy said, shooing Adam to the eating room.  
  
"You can't send him back to Seattle." Mary said, once Adam had left. "What if he remembers."  
  
"I know." Buddy said deeply. "I know. I just hate to see such a hard working boy get pushed down because of the government."  
  
*  
  
"Have a good trip!" Adam waved as JD and Little Jim pulled away from the farmhouse.  
  
"We'll bring you something back!" JD hollered back to Adam.  
  
"So, what are you plans tonight, Adam?" Buddy asked. "Got the whole farmhand house to yourself with JD and Little Jim in Seattle and Tyler going out tonight."  
  
"Actually, I was going to head to town." Adam said. "Maybe pick up a new book and hang out for a while. Need anything?"  
  
"Nah." Buddy said. "Just stay out of trouble. Don't want to be bailing you out of jail, you know."  
  
Adam laughed a deep hearty laugh, "That only happened once!" He said. "And I don't even remember how I ended up in jail."  
  
"Yea, sure." Buddy said. "No recollection of hitting on that woman and then getting into a fight with her boyfriend, huh? You sure did a number on him."  
  
"Well. Okay, so maybe I remember a bit of that. I do remember the hazy feeling that morning from the bump on my head and the hangover." Adam laughed. "I won't do it again, Buddy."  
  
"Call if you need anything." Buddy said, leaving Adam to finish his chores.  
  
*  
  
"Lovely, lovely ladies." Adam said, to another man sitting at the bar. "Got to love this place."  
  
"Damn straight you do." The man replied. "A couple more beers, a couple more lap dances and I'll be vowing to leave the wife tonight."  
  
Adam chuckled and slammed another beer. "One of these days, your wife's gonna find out where you go at night."  
  
The man chuckled and left.  
  
"Hey there honey, interest you in a dance." A small red headed girl asked. Forty dollars and a few more beers later, Adam left, the red head wrapped around his arm planting kisses up and down is neck.  
  
*  
  
The dream took him again; sweat beaded up on his face and his chest began to pound as he struggled against the restraints, against the red light. Fight it; fight it, he kept repeating to himself. He awoke again with a fright.  
  
"You okay?" The red head asked.  
  
"Fine." Adam said, lying back against the pillow. "Just fine."  
  
"I think your mind is working too hard." She said. "I can fix that." She planted a big kiss on his mouth and ran her down under the sheet.  
  
*  
  
"Morning." The read mumbled as Adam woke up. "How'd you sleep?"  
  
"Nicely." Adam smiled. "Breakfast?"  
  
"Sure." She playfully growled. "Shower first?"  
  
Adam smiled again, grabbing the woman in his arms and carrying her off to the bathroom. Hours later, they finally checked out of the hotel and went their separate ways.  
  
*  
  
"He still isn't home." Mary said, looking out the window.  
  
"He's a young virile man." Buddy said. "He probably spent the night out with a friend or something."  
  
"Oh, so that kind of behavior is okay?" Mary snapped.  
  
"Mare, if it were any of the other boys, you'd just let it go. You can't be his mother. He needs to find his own place in the world." Buddy said. "You can't baby him."  
  
"I know I'm not his mother. And I'm not trying to baby him. All I'm doing is trying to take care of him the way you asked me too. If he's a threat to people or if people are after him, he should be out all day and night talking to who knows how many people." Mary said. "What would have happened if they found out who he really was after that bar fight. He almost killed that guy!"  
  
"I know, Mare." Buddy said. "I do know. But if we coddle him, it's just going to make him wonder what we're hiding from him. Logan doesn't know if he'll ever get his memory back. He may be with us for the rest of his life. We don't know." 


End file.
